Goodbye tummy: weight loss journal: detour and u-turn

Detour and U-turn.

Just the other day, I was getting a hair cut to make myself look different look. And then I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I was literally shocked. "Who is this person?", I thought..Her thighs are so big that they dont really fit into the circumference of the chair. And whats with those chubby fingers? They looked seriously swollen. And I just tried to move a little to see how I look like when I make a conversation. And I looked FAT, like those women on TV who coudn't speak without adjusting themselves on that unforgivably small chair. Oh My Gosh, I have turned into a
blob! So much so that I can't even recognize myself anymore. And I don't even know what the charts say..I wouldn't dare go near the weighing machine! But I didnt need to. The mirror spoke straight enough with me. So, for the whole day, I have been sulking..
  
       Sulking also coz I didn't have much to do..but this was bearing on my conscience like a lump of cancer. It feels so disgusting that the extra flesh that hangs on areas that I don't even  want to see nor mention feels alien. I am so much  in denial of this thing that I can't even accept what I have turned into. Having a fiance with a high metabolism doesn't help coz most of the time, we end up eating rich food that would sustain such an appetite. Apart from the excuses, the truth of the matter is that is that I really have neglected myself for way too long. And that in itself is like a slap on my face, I really resent not have taken care of myself. I know that there is hope. Hope to retrace my path, I know what areas that really do bug me. I am not claiming to be perfect or a Psychiatrist PhD but yes, I have been on this path way too many times.

        I was just looking into some weight loss calculators on google search to boost myself by showing myself that if I worked out for so and such time, I would lose a substantial amount of calories. I am not into fads, diets or instant weight loss gimmicks..I was a Science student and by far, I have studied the implications of such fads on the inner body. Yet, today, my foolish heart wanted an instant remedy..what was I thinking? Of course, its not possible to lose all the extra kilos without fatally harming myself. I don't mention nor talk about my weight to my friends coz they are vain and end up teasing or "bloating" themselves up with pride over how "trim" they are compared to me. And when it comes to family, its just not thinkable..my mom saying that I am still growing..ya, I am still growing at 25, right? What does she expect? a she-hulk at the end of the year??? Maaaaaan!

         I have nobody to rely on but myself and the Lord. Its not as pitiful as it sounds once you know the Lord yourself. I just need a kick-start. That's my weakness and my strength. I dont do most things without a heave-ho push...and once I get started, I dont look back..unless I lose track for a week or so for whatever reason. So I pray to Jesus that He helps me and strengthens me by His Spirit. I pray that I start and start soon...and keep at it!!!!

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