The One Who knows my heart..

In those days King Hezekiah of Judah became ill and was at a point of death. And Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, came to him and said, Thus says the Lord: Set your house in order, for you shall die and not live.
Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord.
And said, Remember [earnestly] now, O Lord, I beseech You, how I have walked before you in faithfulness and in truth, with a whole heart [absolutely devoted to You], and have done what is good in Your sight. And Hezekiah wept bitterly.
Then came the word of the Lord to Isaiah, saying,
Go, and say to Hezekiah, Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father:
I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will add to your life fifteen years.
And I will deliver you ad this city out of the hand of the king of Assyria : and I will defend this city [Jerusalem].
                                                                                           - Isaiah 39:1- 6

                These verses mean a whole lot to me, literally..because I apparently do relate to each and every word of it. I almost cried when I came across it during my daily Bible study. Just as any other day, I go through a whole chapter  of a book in the Bible. And I have been pondering over the pages in Isaiah's text for the past month along with the Proverbs. And such good food it is! While the proverbs teaches me how to deal with people - worldly or otherwise and
also my own self, Isaiah befalls a whole new category - its complex yet it reaches those areas of my prayer-life where I have little choice but to contemplate over. Its the God's wrath in full glory and also His mercy over-pouring.

                    I'll explain exactly why these verses mean a lot to me..see, if I look back a couple of years, I was a person without purpose, just dropped out of college (coz I knew university life wasn't for me), just quit attending bank exams (those too, I realised, weren't for me). I was lost. When I looked into the future, it looked bleak. My fiancĂ© also had been through something very similar. I knew God had a great plan for him. He was already on the track, amidst much persecution at home. Here, my dad kept leaping at me to keep attending Bank exams. What would you do if someone kept telling you to wade in a muddy river when all you want to do is fly? Wouldn't it come to your neck?? Same with me..I felt suffocated..I wouldn't come out of my room when he was around. I already was praying and reading and on the track of God, but I wasn't relying on Him yet. I didn't want to look at the ugly looks I would get from him any more, just coz I wasn't doing what he wanted for me. These are some things that I could sense...the tension in the air. Moreover, I gave up my friends coz I didn't want to be rejected by their mean questions..they wouldn't possibly understand me.

                Bitter fights ensued between my fi and I, about what we were going to do,for our future and so forth. His plans seemed futile to me. I wasn't trusting God...But gradually, I came to trusting God. With all the little and big things He was doing in my life, I came to realize that I can have no other to relay on other than God and only He is my Provider and Keeper. Yes, there is also no satisfaction in life nor any true happiness in anything without Him.

                 I was feeing so hesitant to ask my dad for any extra money, be it for an outing or any other need...there was that obvious sense of me being a burden. One night, I couldn't take it anymore...I just wept bitterly on my bed, wondering why I was going through all of this..why was it necessary? I was upset with God..my real Father. I had prayed for my family, my loved ones, my friends to have a better life, even strangers..I have seen them improve..I have seen my prayers fulfilled yet when it came to me, I could hardly see any changes around me. In a couple of weeks, I and my fi were sitting in a coffee shop discussing about what to do..and then came this idea of Screen-printing. Somehow, we agreed to do it together..!!! How did this idea come about? For a couple of months, I had been researching about crafts and self-made businesses..and one thing led to another, and I came across this concept. We were thrilled! Finally, God had revealed a part of His plan for us..even if it was through our discussion. It didn't stop there.. It took painfully long research hours for finding out techniques and methods, designing was a hard one for the first month till I thoroughly understood Photoshop. With my talent for drawing, and    
my fi's penchant for marketing, I knew that by God's grace, this was going to be a sure success.

                 After months, came dad's transfer order..it was to a very far place...100s and 100s of kms away, to the farthest point of the country..I felt devastated. I didn't want this to end..all was going great..why did this have to happen now??? After days of sadness, I was made to realize that this was a blessing in disguise. So far, we couldn't practically realize our dream with interference. So, God had made a plan for my dad to be posted far so that work here would go smoothly. We didn't put that favour to waste. We practised and practised. The failures only made us more adamant to try more. And, I can, with faith in God, say that we have made absolute progress. All that remains is to get definite supplies and legalize the business and then there's no stopping us.

                  After months of trials, we came to a point where we weren't heading anywhere..it was basically due to lack of funds..and a lack of a proper workshop. My designs were already put to paper and many were already photoshopped. We didn't know what to do next. Those who offered to help, betrayed us..I was very shocked. That was one more lesson we got to learn about relying on people.

                   Then my fi got a brainstorm of an idea...Chocolates! I wasn't keen on it in the beginning coz I knew that I'll be the one who'll have to do all the back-breaking research but I agreed. It requires very less capital, easier to innovate, lots of possibilities and so on. When it came to capital, fortunately the Lord made a way and we have enough to go ahead with it, now. And after all the trials and errors, we have become well versed with Chocolate making. I don't need a degree to prove it!
     
                     Now that I look back, all that has happened was to realize God's true plan for us and I am glad, with all the hardships that we have gone through, God has preserved us just like He did Hezekiah. That king was worn out from all the enemies especially the King of Assyria pounding on Jerusalem and the Lord's country..Hezekiah was old and he still was faithful to Him. When it came to a point where the Lord told him, 'Its time..'..He just prayed and cried. He didn't literally ask for his enemies to be dealt with or for him to live a longer life. He just said that he has been a faithful servant of the Lord..But the Lord understood the language that his tears spoke, what his heart was yearning for...and the Lord is Good. He is a loving Father; the troubles, wants and desires of His children's hearts He takes notice and He fulfils them in His time. That is what He did in my life. He filled the gaps that were there in many areas of my life..even when it came to my purpose. He even made those who cringed at my face to help me. I am very grateful to Him...and whenever I carelessly forget to rely on Him, I am reminded that it is only He that I can truly trust and rely on. Glory be to our One true living GOD!!!!!!
               

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